Kia badla ha there janay se-Mamu

Kuch bhi badla nahi

Tere chalay janay se

Sirf ye k

Dil hi janay kaise chal rahi hai

Rookhi zindagi dagmagati chaal

Jo sath le k chalti nahi

Rokna chahoon Tau rukti nahi

Chahoon k pakar loon akhri baar

Na janay doon dubiya k us Paar

Yehi Dua hai bus nahi aur koi

Mangti hoon.. poori hoti nahi

Dil hi janay kese chal rahi hai...

Shutting ourselves down after betrayal is so much more painful than the pain we imagine we will receive by opening up!

Dear Ammi

Devastating..
Sinking in the ever-deepening void
I want to reach for your hand..
Tried shutting my mind
How do I tell you
In how many ways do I miss you
Smudges on your picture
Of  kisses and tears
This heart--- full of despair
Nothing assuages the pain
Distraught thoughts in the head
This life makes no sense
Wish you could talk back ,
In your words I found solace

Seems impossible to get up now

When hope is lost
And life is nothing but dismay

You and I

You and I,
Together
A figment of my imagination
An image
In the fragments of my heart
I'm a character
non-existent,
Not anywhere in your future
Neither in your present nor in your past
I was there all the time,
With a heart full of love
I'm still standing here
Unnoticed or maybe Ignored
Currents pass over 
But my love's such an anchor
It takes me back to you
And we become one
A figment of my imagination.
An echo of my heart

I'm afraid I'm getting tired.. 
Tired of praying..
 Of thinking about what seems impossible.. 
Tired of waiting for you.. 

Of believing one day you'll know

Why don't I hate you

Why I love getting bruised
Maybe that's what you call love..
Inflicting yourself with wounds ..
I'm walking on the shards of my heart..
Winning the losing battle

Things that don't cost a penny yet they mean the world to you..

Just knowing that I cross your mind when you see something nice.. Or experience something good that you wish you could share with me, would be more than anything I could ever ask for myself.
I don't need to hear the flattering words that make a girl feel good about herself. I don't want any fancy gifts as a proof of your love for me. I don't ask you for a long embrace to feel your touch, your presence... I don't want all your time for myself.. I don't want you to forget everything else in the world, your dreams your plans your family your friends..

A call from you, just to hear my voice or wanting to talk to me about all the little things and the big things that your day comprised of, would hold more meaning than you calling me when you feel there's nothing better to do..

Showing up just coz you know nothing in the world could make me happier than seeing your face..

Dedicating just a few seconds of your time to share my silence and understand my emotions...

Looking into my eyes and getting lost in my world is the only time I want the world around us to disappear..

Reading the fears I hide and easing them away just by taking my hand in yours, is the only reassurance I need.

I wish there were a way for me to tell you how you make my heart skip a beat everytime I hear your voice. I don't know how to explain the feeling when your mouth utters my name.. I wish I could show you the extent of my love.. I wish you could know you won't find a better place than my heart to stay..

How do I tell you I feel like the richest girl in the world when I see you wearing smile and the reason is me. For me, your smile alone is worth more than all the gold, diamonds, stones and wealth of the world combined. I crave to hear the sound of your laughter. I've never known any sound that could take me away into another world, but the sound of your laughter.

28th September, 2015

You're the sweet torture I've chosen for myself.. The slow poison that runs through my veins..
The magic spell that doesn't let me sleep
The recurring nightmare I wish I never cease to see..

Why loving you is so easy for me
Yet having you so difficult
Why hurting me is easy for you
And loving me so difficult?
I'd have been lucky for sure
If I were another girl
Where I've come from
is now a forgotten road
If you're not my destiny,
I wish not to live anymore

23 Sept, 2015
2:09am

From heaven into the hell

Loving you was the only feeling I have ever cherished.
Loving you was the last thing that I felt really good at.
Loving you still hurts really bad.

What do I say..

Seems like I've lost the ability to write.. To translate my feelings. There's nothing but hurt, pain and melancholy that has filled me up. Pours down from my eyes. Can't see anyone who could make me forget all that's etched in my mind. For a moment amid this mess, I sniffed life.. Came to the surface of my untamed sea of emotions, to catch my breath.. Air felt sweet, but just for a moment. Darkness loves me, doesn't leave me. I wish you were my darkness.

Had known you differently,
Searched you in your sugar coated voice..
In your I love yous..
In your frantic good byes..

My search ends..
Had known you differently then..

Found you in the echoes of your acrid words..
In the deepest trench,
In the darkest of shadows..
In my tormented soul.

Recollections

There are places I remember all my life
Though some have changed
Some forever not for better
Some have gone and some remain

'Life is what happens when you're busy making other plans.' Lennon

Our juvenilia had taught us both to wait
Not to publish our feelings
And regret it all too late
Mushrooms love already
Had puffed and burst in hate

Deserted

Janay Wo Kaise Log Thay Jin k Pyaar Ko Pyaar Mila
Hum ne tau jab kaliyaan mangein kaanton ka haar mila

Khushion Ki Manzil Dhundi To Gham Ki Gard Mili
Chahat Ke Naghme Chahe To Ahhyein sard Mili

Dil Ke Bojh Ko Dugna Kar Gya Jo Ghumkhaar Mila
Hum Ne To Jab Kaliyaan Mangi Kaanton Ka Haar Mila

Janay wo kaise log thay jinkay pyar ko pyar mila

Bichad Gya.. Bichar gaya

Bichar gaya Har Sathi De Kar Pal Do Pal Ka Saath
Kisse Fursat Hai Jo Thaamay Dewaanon Ka Haath

Hum ko To Apna Saaya Aksaar Bezaar Mila
Hum Ne To Jab Kaliyaan Mangi Kaanton Ka Haar Mila

Janay wo kaise log thay jinkay pyar ko pyar mila

Isko Hi Jeena Kehte Hain To Yun Hi Jee Lenge
Uff Na Karenge Lab Si Lenge Aansu Pi Lenge

Gham Se Ghabrana Kaisa Gham Sau Baar Mila
Hum Ne To Jab Kaliyaan Mangi Kaanton Ka Haar Mila

Janay wo kaise log thay jinkay pyar ko pyar mila

Waqt se alag bewaqt Yoon hi
Kadam uthay uth k rukay yoon hi
Hua haal kia apna hum rahay bekhabar
Zindagi ruk si gai, saans chalti hai yoon hi

When a glass breaks it never goes back the same
You can vow eternity but I will never take your name
Everything we ever had best to keep it in the past
Everything we ever felt, I don't wanna remember back

Won't you ever come back and say,
Come let's go..
You've waited so long..
But not anymore

Silence

I close my eyes. I hear the sounds I've never paid attention to. I hear the rustle of leaves, noise of the fan,I hear the footsteps of people walkin' past me, I hear people talking, laughing, crying and amid all this I see You...My heart skips a beat..all sounds fade away. 

I open my eyes..nothing but silence prevails. I don't hear the beating of my heart anymore.

 Silence haunts... Sept 27,2008

“I want what I miss,
the memories and stories,
the life we could share.”

Tyler Knott

Drowning

Everything's falling apart,
As life falls away
into the dark..
You'll never get to know
what I hide
behind this nonchalant facade..
Still holding on to my hopes
As distant dreams crash
at the shore..
Trying to find my way back,
gazing at the fading stars..

Wasted life, wasted love

My fault : I believed
The truth : You lied
Your love : A mystery, an illusion
My gift : Heartache for life..